Books and Media for Mothers and Families

This page lists recommended books, articles, music, and movies, as well as websites, blogs, and videos, for mothers and families.

Recommended Books for Parents and Families

Origins-USA recommends the following books, movies, and music that provide insight into the experiences of parents who lost children to adoption and about their children raised by strangers.  They also let family members separated by adoption know that they are not alone.

The books may be available in your local library. All the videos are available from Netflix. In addition you can purchase them at Amazon.com and earn money for Origins-USA!

If you know of other books, movies or music that support Origins-USA's mission, please send a brief description to bookandvideocoordinator@origins-usa.org.

BOOKS ABOUT PARENTS WHO LOST CHILDREN TO ADOPTION

Barton, Elisa M. Confessions of a Lost Mother (1996) The author, the "lost mother" of the firstborn she gave up for adoption, gives us the day-by-day accounts of searching and reunited mothers, fathers, adoptees, and adoptive parents, weaving them into her own poignant story. The book included e-mail letters from the hearts of women and men as they share their lives.

Benshoof-Holler, Margaret. Burning of the Marriage Hat (2002) A novel about a woman who returns to her roots to resolve conflicting family accounts about her grandmother's death. Through flashbacks the book tells the story of the heroine’s unwed pregnancy and of the conditions for single pregnant women in the 60s. Benshoof-Holler based the book on her own experience of losing her daughter to adoption.

Clapton, Gary. Birth Fathers and Their Adoption Experiences (2003) Gary Clapton is a post adoption counselor with Birthlink in Edinburgh and recounts the experiences of thirty fathers separated from their children at birth. This pioneering study gives a fresh perspective of these men often dismissed as sperm donors.

Coles, Gary. Ever After: Fathers and the Impact of Adoption (2004) This text on one level is a father's personal story of the parallel searches for himself and his son. It is also a comprehensive account of the repercussions of adoption for all members of the separated family, but in particular the father.

Denton, Kathy and Cummings, Teresa. The Search of a Lifetime (2000) The true story of Kathy's search for her daughter, lost to adoption and the fight for open records.

Darwent, Sharon. Looking Back-Moving Forward: A Birthmother’s Journey (2003) An autobiographical account of a young woman's journey, beginning in 1970 when she discovers that she is pregnant. She tells of her struggles in coming to terms with the surrender of her son to adoption, her decision to search for him some twenty years after his birth, and their emotional reunion ten years later.

*Dusky, Lorraine. Birthmark (1979) This well-crafted book, was written when most mothers were still fearful of sharing their stories and searching for their lost children was taboo. The author describes how the loss of her daughter 12 years earlier marked her emotionally, intellectually, and politically and her drive to find the daughter whom she has never seen.

Ellerby, Janet Mason. Following the Tambourine Man: A Birthmother’s Memoir (2007) Set during the sexual revolution of the sixties, this well-written work recalls the decade's prodigious effect on a generation of Americans that came of age during that transformative time of changing mores. The author follows the crooked path she took from a protected and privileged childhood and early adolescence to her unplanned pregnancy and banishment and to her daughter’s birth and adoption. She then delves into the complex journey embarked on over the next thirty-five years, haunted by her first child’s memory and attempting to compensate for her loss.

Fessler, Ann. The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade (2007) In this moving and myth-shattering work, Fessler brings into the open the history of the million and a half women who surrendered children for adoption due to enormous family and social pressure in the decades before Roe v. Wade. An adoptee who was herself surrendered during those years and recently made contact with her mother, Ann Fessler brilliantly brings to life the voices of more than a hundred women, as well as the spirit of those times, allowing the women to tell their stories in gripping and intimate detail.

Gediman, Judith, St. Brown, Linda P. Birth Bond: Adoptees, What Happens After (1989) First person testimonies about the importance of reunion in the lives of parents and children by a mother and a social worker. The book includes suggestions on helping their relationships.

Guttman, Jane. The Gift Wrapped in Sorrow: A Mother's Quest for Healing (2000) After thirty years, a mother discovers the whereabouts of a son she relinquished as a teenager. This is the story of her attempt to contact him and her pain from his rejection. A chiropractor and professional healer by trade, her dramatic story of healing her wound casts seeds of hope and harmony.

Hall, Meredith. Without a Map: A Memoir (2007) Meredith Hall’s moving but unsentimental memoir begins in 1965, when she becomes pregnant at sixteen. After giving her baby up for adoption, Hall wanders recklessly through the Middle East, returning to New England to stitch together a life that encircles her silenced and invisible grief. When he is twenty-one, her lost son finds her. Their reunion is tender, turbulent, and ultimately redemptive.

Hawn, Patti.  Good Girls Don't (2010)  A memoir that is different from most of our stories.  This reviewer was struck with the realization that no matter what our situations were - and Patti Hawn certainly lived much of her life in the fast lane - the long-term fallout is familiar to all of us.  Her reunion with her son is stunning and one that most of us will never have to deal with.  Her story is intimately truthful and unlike any other you will read.  Well written and highly recommended. Website:  http://www.goodgirlsdontbook.com/

Ishee, Katy O., Pieces of My Heart (2009) This is a harrowing - and uplifting - story of a young birthmother losing her struggle to keep her son. Subsequent to the loss of her son, her parents had her incarcerated in a mental hospital where she received unnecessary shock treatments. Her eventual triumphant reunion with her son is a testament to the strength and resilience of the author. It is inspiring to see the free-spirited, motorcycle-riding Katy Ishee who survived. Her web site is http://www.katyishee.com.

Jones, Merry Bloch. Birthmothers: Women Who Have Relinquished Babies for Adoption Tell Their Stories (2000) A true, compassionate view of the experience and aftereffects of surrendering children.

Kane, Beth J. Thank You Son, For Finding Me: A Birthmother’s Story (1999) The authors chronicles the successful reunion of herself and the son she gave up for adoption. It recounts the healing process that started with her confused feelings upon being found.

Kelly, Ruth. Motherhood Silenced: The Experiences of Natural Mothers on Adoption Reunion (2005) Examines the experiences of a group of mothers who have had a reunion with their child who had been placed for adoption. Adoption goes beyond the legal life of the contract signed at the time of relinquishment. It has life-long consequences that impact mothers on reunion and beyond.

McKay, Linda Back. Shadow Mothers: Stories of Adoption and Reunion (1999) A collection of stories of adoption that that McKay lets tell themselves. Healing can’t begin until the secret is shared.

Moorman, Margaret. Waiting to Forget: A Motherhood Lost and Found (1998) Described by the "New York Times Book Review" as "uniquely enlightening", this well-written book tells Moorman's story of losing her son to adoption, her successful career as a writer, her marriage and the birth of a daughter, and eventually coming to terms with the surrender 30 years later.

Musser, Sandy. I Would Have Searched Forever (1992) The author tells her personal story - all of it, the good and the bad –of losing her child for adoption in the repressed days of the 1950’s.

Robinson, Evelyn, Adoption Separation - Then and now (2010)  Evelyn Robinson's newest book is a departure from her previous work, but certainly no less compelling.  This book is a collection of mother's stories from seven different countries from 1958 to 1989.  It is striking to see that as diverse as the cultures and societal standards were (and are), the effects of losing a child to adoption is universal. Her description of current adoption practice in Australia, while not perfect, is a model  every country can and should pursue.  Ms. Robinson's keen insight into the complexities of adoption once again shines through and provides readers with a vision of what is possible. Inspiring. Visit her website for details of her books http://www.clovapublications.com/

Robinson, Evelyn. Adoption Reunion: Ecstasy or Agony? (2009) This is Evelyn's third book which is, in this reviewer's opinion, her best yet. Each chapter is, for the most part, an updated and condensed version of her first two books. She explains concisely what it is about adoption separation and reunion which causes such intense and varied emotions. At the end of each chapter Evelyn has included a selection of her responses to some of the many questions she has been asked over the years. The questions are familiar to us all and her responses demonstrate her insight and experience with the minefield of adoption. Highly recommended! Visit her website for details of her books http://www.clovapublications.com/

Robinson, Evelyn. Adoption and Recovery: Solving the Mystery of Reunion (2004) This book builds on the themes of Adoption and Loss: The Hidden Grief. The author analyzes the long term impact of adoption separation and the meaning of the reunion experience. Both books present well-reasoned and compelling arguments for ending adoption. Visit her website for details of her books http://www.clovapublications.com/

Robinson, Evelyn. Adoption and Loss: The Hidden Grief (Revised Edition, 2000) Born in Scotland and living in Australia, the author weaves her story of losing her son to adoption as she tells what becomes of women who give up their children. She examines why so many adopted people feel such a strong desire to seek out their original families and how families with adopted children differ from other families. Visit her website for details of her books http://www.clovapublications.com/

Roessle, Denise. Second Chance Mother (2011) With startling honesty, the author holds nothing back in recounting the details of losing her son to adoption, their reunion 26 years later, and the surprise secrets in her family."Second Chance Mother" is not only a moving story about adoption loss, but about familiy members we love but may not like.

Schaefer, Carol. The Other Mother: A Woman's Love for the Child She Gave Up for Adoption (1991) The author recounts how she was forced to stay in a home for unwed mothers and give her baby up for adoption in 1966. She tells of her life as she begins a career, marries, and has two more sons. Lurking always is the loss from surrendering her son. The book concludes with her search for him when he turns 18 and her emotions surrounding meeting the son she did not raise. She weaves into her story the impact of her loss on her marriage and her raised sons.

Scott, Betty Sue. Shared Heartbeats (2009) The author shares her journey from surrender to reunion. The latter half of the book contains stories and letters from other mothers who lost children to adoption. This book is of particular interest to Christian mothers, as the author presents her inspirational story from a Christian base.

Taylor, Patricia E. Shadow Train: A Journey Between Relinquishment and Reunion (1995) Taylor tells of her struggle and her baby’s father struggle to keep their daughter. She describes her life after losing her daughter and their reunion .The book provides another accurate and sad picture of adoption loss, not only for the mother, but for the father as well. It presents convincingly arguments against adoption.

BOOKS ABOUT THEIR CHILDREN RAISED BY STRANGERS

Briccetti, Kathy, Blood Strangers: A Memoir (2010) Blood Strangers is a memoir of the author's search for her place among the tangles of three generations of adoption and absent fathers in her family.

Brodzinsky, David M., Marshall D. Schechter, Robin Marantz Henig. Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self (1993) This book uses the voices of adoptees and adoptive parents to explore the likelong effects of adoption on adopted persons.

Fisher, Florence. The Search for Anna Fisher (1973) This groundbreaking book about an adoptee’s 20 year search for "someone who looks like me" provides understanding of the need adoptees have to find their original families. The author makes a strong case for opening adoption records.

Foess, Mary L. Movsisian, My Armenian Genesis: The Last Survivor (2010)  This is an adoptee's story of her painstaking and persistent search for her roots.  Overcoming many obstacles and with determination, she finally learns of her unique ancestry.  The book can be ordered on the author's website: http://www.ArmenianAncestryBook.com. More information and synopses can be found there. 

Green, Tim. A Man and His Mother: An Adopted Son's Search (1997) The author, an NFL football player and novelist, tells how the drive to excel that brought him success was nurtured by an early darkness: his feeling of being unwanted by his mother because she surrendered him up for adoption and his self-consciousness of being different in his family..As Green grew older, he spent years needing to know what happened and at the same time denying that it made a difference. Green ends his memoir recounting his search, his reunion, and the rewarding relationship which developed. The book provides valuable insights on how a son is impact by the perceived abandonment by his mother.

Hern, Katie and Ellen McGarry Carlson. Reunion: A Year in Letters Between a Birthmother and the Daughter She Couldn't Keep (1999) 26-year-old adoptee Katie Hern reunites with her mother, Ellen McGarry Carlson. Their letters for the following year describe the women's histories and feelings – elation and anxiety -- to understanding and their success at creating an honest and positive relationship.

Lauck, Jennifer. Found (2010). Award winning author and adoptee, Lauck writes a compelling memoir which reveals the painful truths of adoption. Her website is http://jenniferlauck.com/.

*Lifton, Betty Jean. Lost & Found: The Adoption Experience (1979; updated and re-issued in 2009) Rich in insight and compassion, this autobiographical work is an eloquent exploration of the psychological issues faced by adoptees and by all children who have been separated from a parent and denied the right to know their origins. Lifton draws upon her own experience and her extensive work with adoptees, parents, and adoptive parents, to explore the harmful effects of secrecy on the identity of a child and the liberating possibilities of openness. A new Preface links the psychology of the adopted to that of babies born of surrogacy and other reproductive technologies. A new Afterword explores the most recent developments in the adoption field, such as post-adoption counseling, open adoption, and the controversy around the adoption syndrome.

McMahon, Patrick. Becoming Patrick (2011) McMahon risks the love of the mother who raised him to seek out the mother who gave him away. When he finds her, he learns that he is one of three babies she and her husband surrendered. In describing his search and eventual reunion, McMahon provides  profound insights to the adoptee experience. Website: http://www.patrickmc.com/ 

Trenka, Jane Jeong. The Language of Blood (2003) At age six months, Jane Jeong Trenka and her four-year-old sister, Carol, were adopted from Korea by a Lutheran couple in rural Minnesota. Trenka’s impoverished mother surrendered her daughters to protect them from their violent father. Trenka’s biting and painful memoir examines cross cultural adoption. Trenka concluded her book by asking and answering the question which confronts every adoptee: “Would I rather have not been adopted?”

Verrier, Nancy Newton. The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child (1993) A controversial book which many adoptees call their "bible. In its application of information about perinatal psychology, attachment, bonding and loss, the book clarifies the effects of separation from their mother on adopted children. As one adoptee said, "Only one thing has caused me more pain and damage than the existence of the primal wound: the world's insistence that it does not exist."

Books by Parents and their Reunited Children Together

Crumpacker, Bunny and J. S. Picariello. Jessica Lost (2011) Crumpacker and Picariello, her surrendered daughter, reveal their histories in alternating chapters. Their reunion after 42 years develops into a lasting closeness, less mother and daughter than best friends.

Souza, Susan Mello and Joanne Medeiros Harrington. The Same Smile: The Triumph of a Mother's Love After Losing Two Daughters (2002) The author, sixteen, unmarried and pregnant, was forced to surrender her daughter to adoption. Later she married and had three more daughters. Tragedy struck again when one of her raised daughters died from cancer. The book concludes with the author’s joyful reunion with her first daughter and the beginning of a happy relationship. Website: http://www.thesamesmile.com/ 

ARTICLES

Edwards, Jane. "Why Reunions Go Awry: What Memoirs of Adopted Daughters Tell Birthmothers." First Mother Forum, May 5, 2009.

MUSIC

DMC & Sarah McLachlan, "Just Like Me", You Tube video Watch & Listen

DMC & Zara H. Phillips, "I'm Legit", You Tube video, Watch & Listen   Zara Phillips's Website

Gauthier, Mary, "Foundling", CD release July 2010. Excerpts can be heard on her website, as well as ordering information.  Watch & Listen   Website

MOVIES [In order of release date]

Mother and Child (2010) Finally! -- an adoption movie that tells it like it is.  With a spectacular cast (Annette Bening, Jimmy Smits, Samuel L. Jackson, Naomi Watts, among others). this movie does an excellent job of portraying the complexities of adoption and all the relationships involved.  The story intertwines the lives of three women:  a middle-aged woman who lost her daughter to adoption as a teen, her adult daughter, and an infertile couple desperate to adopt.  The three stories come together in a dramatic conclusion.  Highly recommended. 

August Rush (2007) Escaping the orphanage, young musical prodigy Evan (Freddie Highmore) makes a living on the New York City streets working as a huckster for the Wizard (Robin Williams), the colorful caretaker to a group of other homeless kids. Hoping to reunite with the birth parents he never knew, Evan--renamed August Rush by the Wizard--trusts in the miracle of music to guide him.

How About You (2007) A charming British comedy about four grumpy aging residents of an up-scale British group home. Vanessa Redgrave is stunning, as always, as one of the residents. Although the movie is about aging and the relationships between the residents and their caretakers, there is a touching sub-plot about adoption.

Dalva (2005) Stars Farrah Fawcett as Dalva, Peter Coyote, Powers Booth and Rod Steiger. This is a birthmother's dream-of-a-movie. 15-year-old Dalva loses her son when her father whisks the baby away at birth, telling her it is to protect her from pain. The story is interwoven with Navajo, Sioux and Lakota ancestry, which adds to the intrigue. An excellent movie. Keep tissues handy.

The Italian (2005) In a small Russian village, a six-year-old boy spends his days living in a run-down orphanage. When an Italian couple decides to adopt him and take him to their country with them, he embarks on a life-changing journey as he attempts to find his mother. In Russian with English subtitles.

Loggerheads (2005) Issues of regret and redemption are explored in this contemplative drama featuring three interconnected stories set during different time periods. Through the experiences of a young gay drifter who encounters a kindly motel manager, a woman haunted by her decision to give up her child for adoption and a small town preacher's wife who begins to question her conservative ways.

Lost and Found (2005) This well done 26-minute documentary by Debra Baker is the sequel to her first film, Broken Ties (1999). This film documents her search and reunion with the son she lost to adoption. This is an honest portrayal of the complexities, joys and fears of reunion. Particularly interesting was the evolution of the family dynamics from the first film. See also Ms. Baker's first film, Broken Ties, in this listing. Both films may be purchased from her website, www.debrabakerfilms.com/home.htm.

Casa de los Babies (2003) The stories of six white American women, all but one over thirty, impatiently waiting out their residency requirements in an unidentified South American in order to bring home a baby. The picture shows two sides of international adoption: the unhappy maid who gave up her baby and tries to comfort herself imagining her daughter’s happy life in El Norte and the squeegee kids who have been abandoned by their impoverished parents. Excellent cast with Marcia Gay Harden, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Daryl Hannah, Mary Steenburgen, and Rita Moreno.

The Magdalene Sisters (2003) Set in 1960s Ireland, this drama was based on the true stories of young women sent away by their families for perceived sexual offenses--from flirting with boys and out-of-wedlock pregnancies to being victims of rape--to prison-like laundries run by the Catholic Church. The film follows three girls who seek to escape from the "sanctuary" and its head nun's harsh discipline.

Antwone Fisher (2002) In his directorial debut, Denzel Washington delivers a powerful portrait of Antwone Fisher (Derek Luke), an enlisted man in the U.S. Navy whose angry outburst leads him to a compassionate psychiatrist (Washington). The initial friction between the two turns to trust as Fisher relates his troubled life story. Eventually through finding his birth family he can move forward.

Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002) Set in early 1930s Australia, this heartfelt and compelling drama tells the true-to-life story of three young half-Aborigine girls who, in accordance with national policies concerning mixed race children, are taken from their families and sent to a special school to prepare for a life of menial labor. Escaping their confines, the girls embark on a 1,500-mile trek towards home.

The Lost Child (2000) A Hallmark Hall of Fame original film, a true story of an adoptee raised by Jewish parents who discovers her Navajo heritage. She, her husband, and their two daughters move to the reservation and become part of her Navajo family. The film is a powerful work that explores adoption and interpersonal issues, as well as these cultural conflicts.

Broken Ties (1999) This well done 26-minute documentary by Debra Baker is her story of losing a son to adoption. The family dynamics are of particular interest and familiar to most of us. See also her sequel, Lost and Found, in this listing. Both films may be purchased from her website, www.debrabakerfilms.com/home.htm.

Debra Baker Films (Debra Baker) provides info about documentaries "Broken Ties" and "Lost and Found" with clips from films

Secrets and Lies (1996) The story of a working class family already in conflict when a successful black woman Hortense Cumberbatch (Marianne Jean-Baptiste) contacts her white birthmother Cynthia Rose Purley (Brenda Blethyn). After the initial shock, the two women develop a strong relationship which Purley initially keeps secret. Eventually she introduces Cumberbatch to her family and the family begins to resolve its conflict.

To Face Her Past (1996) Made for TV movie. Beth Bradfield is a wife and grandmother with a seemingly perfect life. But her world is turned upside down when her adult daughter, Lori, is diagnosed with leukemia and in need of a bone marrow donor. Beth must seek out Megan, the daughter she abandoned many years ago, as a possible match.

Buffalo Girls (1995) Stars Angelica Huston as Calamity Jane and Melanie Griffith as her best friend and saloon madam, Dora. Although the movie isn't about adoption specifically, it is certainly a very interesting look into the life of Calamity Jane who describes herself as half-man, half woman. The story is set in the waning days of the Wild West. Calamity Jane is a different kind of birthmother but like all mothers, she grieves and searches for the daughter she gave away, thinking she could not take care of her given the unusual life she led of roaming the West, trapping, fighting and hard-drinking. Other actors are Peter Coyote, Sam Elliot, Jack Palance, and Reba McEntire (in a small part as Annie Oakley). An interesting piece of Old West history that isn't widely known.

Butterbox Babies (1995) Set in the late 1930s in Nova Scotia, this shocking true drama chronicles the activities of Lila and William Young, the proprietors of an unscrupulous orphanage. Charging exorbitant amounts of money to women and adoptive parents, the Youngs' horrific treatment of unwanted infants is made all the more chilling as they invoke divine justifications for their actions.

The Other Mother (1995) Made for TV movie based on Carol Schaefer’s memoir of the surrender of her son for adoption and her search for him when he turned 18. The film stays close to the book, and Carol (Frances Fisher) is portrayed honestly and sympathetically. [not available on DVD or through Netflix; shown occasionally on Lifetime channel.]

Stolen Babies (1993) Made for TV movie starring Mary Tyler Moore. Loosely based on the story of Georgia Tann. A 1940s Tennessee welfare worker learns that the charismatic head of a local adoption agency, is actually running a profitable black-market baby ring aided by corrupt public officials.

Delinquent Parents (1938) The problem of juvenile delinquency is explored in this provocative melodrama. After a young girl gets pregnant and marries the baby's father, her lover's parents annul the couple's nuptials and she is forced to put the child up for adoption. Growing up to become a judge, she is forced to face her past when a case brings her now-adolescent daughter into her courtroom.